Saturday, November 8, 2008

Red Royal Radio

(What follows is an excerpt of the "2 Vexed Dudes" radio show on WHAM, Rochester, New York
in late September)

Carl Lovejoy, aka Big C: Hello and welcome to another airing of the Dudes.

Bob Heinz, aka The Sauce: Hey there. What a mess, huh?

L: No kidding. What the hell happened here? I used to enjoy following the Royals.

H: A whole lot of craptacular stuff happened, and we want some callers here to vent, because
I'm about all vented out.

H: The latest agony - a 22-1 slaughter at the hands of the hated Schrutes - in the words of
that guy who played Ike in "The Longest Day" - 'too bitter to contemplate'.

L: This could be "The Longest Season". But contemplate we will. That game was a disgrace. I mean that's the kind of stuff you expect in Vancouver, or some weird Canadian city, not here in glorious Rochester.

L: Let's get a few words in and we'll be right back with Hugh from Spencerport.

(7 minutes of commercials, weather updates and traffic reports follow)

H: Alright! We're back; let's hear from Hugh.

Hugh: Hello?

L: Go ahead Hugh.

H: Your last name isn't Jass is it?


Hugh: No it is not.

L: Sorry Hugh. Go ahead.

Hugh: Yeah, um, this teams stinks so bad it makes me wish Buffalo was still around.

(muffled chortles)

L: I hear ya pal.

Hugh: Why'd they let Melo walk 10 guys? Are they nuts? What were Hypnotoad and Hubbard

[Hubbard is the Rochester pitching coach] thinking?

H: Melo started out horrible this year after being acquired from Scranton, then started pitching well - and then I don't know. Really inexplicable.

L: I think they put a Wii in the clubhouse and were playing Rock Band.

Hugh: Really? Are you serious?

L: Of course not Hugh.

L: Let's go to Jerry in Greece. Jerry?

Jerry: Hey guys. First time long time.

H: Great.

L: Super. What's up?

Jerry: Well, not the Red Royals. Think they can get back on track?

L: Not next year. They got some good hitters down in High A right, but they're at least 2
years away from making an impact on the major league club.

Jerry: What about Cesar Amaro down in AA? I hear clubs were hot for him earlier in the year.

H: I think Amaro's as close to an 'untouchable' as you can get without actually belonging to
the hindu caste of the same name.

L: Yeah, ownership is still stinging from trading Luis James all those years ago - they're not going to do that again. He might be up next year.

Jerry: Thanks guys.

L: Thanks Jerry. Now Melissa from Rochester.

Melissa: Hey Sauce and C. I keep hearing rumors that the owner wants to move the team to
Dayton, Ohio. I wish he would.

H: I think the only hold up for the move is building a big enough park in the Gem City. He's
said flat out that will move from this city as soon as Dayton passes a bond issue.

L: Kinda unbelievable Dayton wouldn't pass a levy to bring in major league ball, but there
you -

H: Not major league as much as the Red Royals though -

L: Ouch. Thanks Melissa.

(end part 1)

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